Never Enough

Occasionally, at this time of the afternoon I really want

.

But, in order to get

out of

,

I need three of

.

Or a combination of

 and

.

It is almost too easy when I have enough

.

Until I go grocery shopping at

and I have to put

in

to be able to use a cart.

Those darn

.

Aaron: Chicken Wrangler

"Yeah. What's up now?!"  were the words Aaron used to taunt Nina after getting her back into the coop.

I would say our average time to catch a chicken used to be about 20 minutes. We have been out of practice since the construction of the impenetrable fortress.

Remember that good idea I had to take Charlie up to the coop with me? It backfired yesterday morning. I was inside the fence with the ladies refreshing the food and water. They were a little more active than they usually are and I guess that intrigued Charlie. He was sniffing around the outside of the fence and got pretty excited, started running the perimeter and making noises that dogs make when they are excited. Nina got startled and went in the coop. Not all together a bad idea. 

The day we bought bigger posts and concrete mix we also bought eye hooks, latches and bungee cords so that I could close my access door from the inside. That bag went missing. 

Nina is in the coop. I am in the yard. Charlie is outside. The door is open.

Don't go outside. Don't go outside. "Don't go outside."

"Oh!" Nina thinks. "Go outside. All right. It is a little scary in here right now."

Charlie is on her six. She is running. She is flying. Charlie is running. I am screaming. "Charlie! No! No, Charlie!"

Nina somehow made it to safety - wherever that was. Charlie got distracted or disappointed, I am not sure which. Either way I got him in the house and started looking and listening for Nina.

Aaron and I walked around the front yard, the fence line, down the road... Nothing. I went to the other side of the fence and walked around my neighbor's yard. Nothing.

We walk back up the driveway and there she is. Just like she was that Friday afternoon. Calm, collected. We followed her as she made her way back to the coop, back to her friend. Now all we had to do was get her inside.

It might be 10 o'clock at this point and we had somewhere to be at 11:00. So instead of pushing her farther into the underbrush, we retreat. About 30 minutes later we check on her again. She is hanging out under the coop, talking with Queen Isabella. There was a lot of conversation between those two. Another unsuccessful chase and we head out.

We get back around 2:30 and try again, this time with Eric's help. We have Aaron with his homemade chicken catcher apparatus, Eric with the fishing net and me surrounded by testosterone wielding  poles and nets. This approach was too aggressive. Again, we retreat.

Another hour goes by and Nina is back to the hen house probably scheming. It's two on one and the bird has the home field advantage. I don't think the briers and prickers bother her. She relies on them for protection. She made a mistake though. She couldn't go back the way she came - I was there. She couldn't go right or left - the underbrush was too thick. She ran out the front and thwap! Aaron got the net around her. Scooped her up and told her with gritted teeth, "Stop. Stop it. Calm down."

I unlatched the door. She walked out of the net and into the yard. I got in the coop with a drill and a latch. We shouldn't have this problem again.

DDA

If anyone was curious why the posts weren't as frequent as before there are two reasons:

1. That time between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. - I was being utilized. It has been a nice change of pace. 

2. Aaron has been hogging the home computer. He has been working on what we usually refer to as a "Slide show." However, I was thinking about this on my way home yesterday and decided that it isn't technically a slide show since there are not any slides involved. It isn't a Power Point presentation either. I have decided he has been working on a DDA - a digital display of affection.

Being a Myers, he ate this up. He said if he were to speak about the presentation he would be sure to refer to it as a DDA. And I think people would laugh. The Myers kind of people would anyway. And they would think, "Oh that Aaron, he is so clever and funny."

But he's not!                                                                  It's his wife!  

OK. OK. He has his moments.
This just wasn't one of them.

House Guests

This past weekend my dad came from the great state of NC to visit with us. I made sure there were fresh washcloths and towels available, clean sheets on the guest bed, and enough groceries to tie him over before everybody else was ready for breakfast.  For the most part my dad is a pretty self sufficient guest.

This is probably my favorite picture of the two of us. I still wish I could fit there. It would look pretty ridiculous if I tried that now. We are about the same height and sadly I think I outweigh him now. (That is something we both need to work on. The man cannot keep weight on. And I... well, I cannot keep off the couch.)

Myles on the other hand... Myles is my dog-in-law and he is neeeeeeeeeeeeedy. He knows where the food is, knows where the treats are but still insists on having someone get them for him. Even if it isn't time. My relationship with Myles has been a rocky one. He has single-pawedly (with no help from Charlie whatsoever) destroyed a comforter, a tablecloth, a brand new futon mattress, a wind chime still hanging from a tree, a fiber optic Christmas tree and small glass ornaments. Oh yeah, and he once jumped through one of the screen windows into the sunroom.

I know what you are thinking - TACKY! A futon and a fiber optic Christmas tree?

Recently though, Myles has been much better behaved when we are not home to immediately service his needs. And I reward him with praise and affection. He is always a little nervous though - separation anxiety I think. If he isn't busy eating to cope with his emotions, he is pawing at us. Weaving around us like a cat, except less content. If a limb is unreachable for him to paw at, he paws at the door frame, the couch, the cabinet with the dog treats...

Charlie was a very gracious host Tuesday night and shared his toys with Myles. I can't say Loofah Doug was too thrilled about the situation but he kept a smile on his face the whole time.

Please note the number of limbs on the hedgehog.

 

Don't let this image fool you. He is not as innocent as he seems.

This picture is right on, see how he looks worried?

Wait a minute... Charlie - what is that hanging from your mouth?

 

So, all of the photographic evidence points to Charlie at this point, but I assure you, he did not behead Loofah Doug by himself. He just took it upon himself to finish the field dressing.

Lights

I wrangled some trees, shrubs, briars and brush this weekend trying to let some more light into the coop and the yard. Our property looks better, but the yard of the coop is still pretty shaded. My friend, Emily, (with whom I had lunch with today at Mediterranean Delight) has a friend who keeps chickens and that friend said I should have eggs by now.

D'white brought in his first full dozen and showed them off this morning. They are beautiful.  Tans, browns, greens, whites... all slightly different in size. His flock of 25 or so are producing 7 eggs a day right now. I'm a little jealous, but mostly, I am concerned I am doing something wrong.

In a few minutes I am going to swing by Tractor Supply and look for a solar powered light that I can install in the hen house. Scratch that. I just looked them up to see how much it would cost and saw that they are only available online. So much for almost instant gratification.

Playing Hooky

Have you ever watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off? It happens to be one of my favorite movies.

Do you remember the part where he talks about doing something worthwhile with your day off, otherwise you might as well be at school... or in my case, work? That wasn't really an issue Friday. My day didn't compare to his, but I never felt like I would be better off at work.

My dilemma on my unscheduled days off is usually trying to be convincing enough that my boss will believe me, but not so convincing that I actually end up feeling like crap. Power of suggestion is, well, powerful. Instead of calling with a weakened, stuffy voice, I sent a text message. Something along the lines of "Out today. Not feeling good" the part he didn't get - but maybe he read into was "enough to deal with you." I'll worry about that Monday. 

I hate lying and I'm not good at it. But I just can't seem to leave it at "I won't be in." I think I feel too guilty about it that I have to provide a reason.

I was so excited about not going to work yesterday that I couldn't sleep in - at first. After I showered and ate breakfast, Charlie and I hunkered down on the couch for about an hour. 

Before I went out to lunch - my first real outing of the day - I ran up to check on my birds. Apparently, they weren't feeling very motivated either. It appeared as though they were just getting up. I didn't see them in their yard so I knocked on the access door and they came walking out slowly, stopping to stretch their wings. From this behavior I have decided they aren't getting enough light. It is too late to move the coop to a sunnier area now that the posts are permanent fixtures.  Decisions, decisions.

Oh! By the way, the decision to take Charlie up to the coop with me in the evenings has proved to be a good one. Thursday night we ran off a critter!

F. U. N. E. X.?

D'white told me on Monday that he got his first 2 eggs this weekend. He said they were kind of small, but that the first ones usually are. He also informed me of a family rule that I might adopt for the Myers Mini Farm. If an egg is just too small, you have to throw it over the house.

Sometimes I feel the need to throw things. However, I realize it is socially unacceptable in most situations and therefore maintain self control. Tantrums may not be pretty, but on occasion, I think they might just be necessary.

For now, the only eggs I have are in the fridge and they came from the store. I am actually a little surprised that I am not overly anxious to collect fresh eggs. That doesn't mean I won't hoot, holler, skip and jump when I get one, it just means I have more patience than I thought.

Did you get it yet? F. U. N. E. X.? I had to ask the sender of the text message to decode for me. My mind really started to wander.

    FU        NE     X?
(eff yoo) (en ee) (ex)
  have you any eggs?

He didn't come up with it himself. If his kids hadn't told him, he wouldn't have known either.

DollyWood - more fun than work!

Melissa, Alan, Haley, and Zac took me to Dollywood.

It was my first time there.

But, NOT my last.

Haley to a little girl and her dad - "You have to be 42 inches or 48 to go on this"

The Dad - "Well, she isn't 48."

Little Girl - "I'm 6!" 

Do you see this? This never happens. I tricked him.

(Nice camera work, Melis!) 

"Mommy, you never let us have cookies."

"Aunt Lauren, put your camera away."

Columbus Day

I called Aaron this morning while I was driving to the gym to tell him "Happy Columbus Day!". He laughed. He said that was the first time anybody has ever told him that. I'm pretty sure that is the first time I have ever said it.

Things I remember about Columbus Day:

• Nina
• Pinta
• Santa Maria
• Queen of Spain
• World is round
• Poop deck

I think the first 5 are pretty self-explanatory.
In celebration of Columbus Day, Mrs.Geddes, (my second grade teacher) had drawn the outline of a ship on the chalkboard. She taught us names of the different parts of the ship like the mast and the hull. She also taught us about the poop deck. In second grade, that was both shocking and extremely funny.  After the lesson we went outside with sidewalk chalk. We were instructed as groups to draw the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. I guarantee each rendering had a poop deck if nothing else.

I would like to add "Eggs" to the list of things I remember.

Maybe the ladies aren't producing eggs yet because they don't have names. I have heard that dairy cows with names are more productive than their nameless counterparts. Whether it is due to the name itself or the way a named cow is treated vs an unnamed cow... that is another discussion. So, from now on the Cinnamon Queen with tail feathers shall be named Isabella, and the hen without, Nina.

There. I expect 2 eggs when I get home.

The Great Protector

This is our dog.

His name is Charlie.

Sometimes we call him Charlie.

A lot of the time we call him other things.

  

Look at his keen sense of smell in action.

(He might actually be enjoying a breeze.)

I am trying to make it an evening routine to take Charlie up to the coop with me. He isn't aggressive toward the ladies and they don't seem to mind his presence too much.

I hope that his scent will be a deterrent to predators.

It has driven me away a time or two.

(Just kidding, Buddy.

I'll be home soon.)

-----------------CAUTION: Rambling-------------

Aaron must have put his collar on him this day*. I always make sure the "T" 's are right side up. Not so much for luck or superstition, more of a tick. 

*I used to think it was unusual, but it actually makes some sense... Aaron or I take Charlie's collar off before going to bed. It originally started to put him in stealth mode because his tags were so noisy. Now it is part of our daily routine:

Collar comes off.

Charlie receives (more) much needed affection.

He wags.

 Things wind down for the night. 

In the a.m...
  "Charlie, time to get dressed!"

He wags.

And does a final down dog.

The collar goes back on.

He wags.

We're all ready to face the day.

Thursday

Yesterday evening I placed a golf ball in a nesting box. I read that putting something that resembles an egg in the place where you would like the hens to lay can kind of jump start the process. They (still nameless for the most part) have had a calm day or two. Is it too much for me to ask that we let nature take its course now?

I would have put one fake egg in each box, but I only had one at my disposal yesterday. I can just picture these hens being so eager to lay an egg or lay on a golf ball that they are fighting for it, like the armrest at the movies or on an airplane. Maybe they are huddled together, sharing. Or, maybe, they are eyeing it with extreme paranoia. That is kind of a common look for chickens.

Considering I left my work keys in yesterday's pants (which amazingly are not today's pants too) and I only packed the powdered cheese part of the Macaroni and Cheese for lunch- I have no better name for a title today. However, it would be better if the title was "Friday".

And this... this doesn't have anything to do with anything, but I have to say it. Words that begin with a hard C will still have the effect of alliteration with words beginning with the letter K if you leave the spelling alone. Seriously, Karns has the Korn Kraze - not cute. Secondly, 3 K's really? Or so and so's Kountry Kitchen - How do I know that you can read a recipe if you can't spell?

Ok. I'm getting off my high horse now.
And actually out of my office chair.
And on to a status meeting.

Photo from Webgol's Flickr Stream

Infomercials

Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I was engaged at work. I think engaged is the wrong word. That makes it sound like I was genuinely interested. Regardless, at one point mid morning I was sitting among 2 PhDs and a Master's degree with 30 years experience in everything. As I sat there and listened to decision making conversation that I had no weight in, I thought "Is it really necessary that I be here for this?". The answer was No. But, instead of getting up to go look for a snack I just waited it out.  Then it hit me. I was "working". If these guys really thought what they were talking about was really that important, then they probably wanted someone to hear it.

Later in the day, after the earth shatterting, 6 one way, half dozen the other decision had been made I was working (not just listening, but clicking mouse buttons too) alone with the non PhD of the previous trio. Listening to him brag about how he would do it better, with Specs! and Documented Procedures! and Test Plans! He reminded me of a bad infomercial. He was seriously trying to sell me something I had no interest in buying that was guaranteed to make my work life better/more complicated.

Bad Infomercial. That is redundant. I have never seen a good one. Funny sometimes. Bad acting always. But good? Never. Sorry, Billy. And who is in charge of the Shake Weight or the Hula Chair? Really? How did the marketing team pitch those? And who approved them? There is no way they thought the product was that great. I doubt they could have kept straight faces. Not like the people from Magic Bullet. They've got to be real believers in their product. I will say the drinks look ok, but I wouldn't eat that quesadilla. I don't care how easy it was to chop that chicken. It just looks nasty.

I am, in fact, a fan of criteria, test plans and documented procedures. However, I've been around this block under this particular leadership before. There isn't any task so insignificant that we can't turn into a giant obstacle with enough meetings.

That is one nice thing about chickens. They don't have meetings.

Recap - in Pictures

They said they didn't want any help.

Supervision

I at least help put the chicken wire over the top.

This is how much interest Charlie has in chickens.

And this is how much interest Charlie has in going for a walk.

Weekend Recap

• Friday a.m.
• One chicken in the coop
• Tears
• Friday p.m. 
• One chicken in the coop, one chicken in the driveway
• 2 chickens wherever they want to be
• 2 chickens in the coop
• Saturday a.m. (5:30)
• A & L awakened by scary noise at the coop
• A & L go to coop armed with flashlights, fishing net, wiffle bat
• One chicken in the coop, one chicken on the fence
• 2 chickens in a dog crate in Shed # 2
• Saturday p.m.
• 2 chickens in a dog crate in Shed # 2
• Trip to Home Depot
• Sunday a.m.
• 2 chickens in a dog crate in Shed # 2
• Work begins
• (I really didn't expect Aaron to go at this task with as much motivation and gusto as he did. He explained to me that he didn't want to wake up to any more dead chickens and a crying wife. And, he got to use power tools.)
• Sunday p.m.
• Chased chickens for 20 minutes during transfer to coop
• 2 chickens in the coop

1/3 Less Sad

Amazingly I did not cry at work today. (About chickens or a particular work situation.)
On the drive  home my thoughts surrounded the idea of finding one chicken with a lot of attitude, or no chicken at all. To my surprise, relief, bewilderment, etc... I came home to find two chickens. One in the flower (weed) bed at the top of the driveway and one patrolling the interior of the fence - where she is supposed to be.

Right now I am really confused. I don't know if it is one hen getting out or if they are taking turns. I am still sad about losing the youngster. It seems doubtful that she will reappear.

After about 30 minutes of unsuccessful chicken wrangling, whichever bird it is, is still "free ranging" it tonight. I chased her last night too. At least I think it was her.

...

Ok. Well. That question just got answered.

My brother-in-law, Eric, came over to drop off my dog. I was telling him how I had a chicken on the loose right then and asked if he wanted to meet the other one. We headed outside and immediately saw 2 chickens walking down the steps from the garden.

We chased them around for 10 minutes or so without luck. Eric said he had a fishing net and did I think it would help. Yes I did. The chickens were following us down to the driveway by the time we got into the truck. Another 10 minutes or so to drive over, get the net, say hi to Olivia and explain, and drive back and the hens are... not in the coop, not near the coop, not near the driveway.



Even with my short time with the stress makers I have picked up on their preference to be in the woods or underbrush. I checked the azaleas in the front of the house. At this point I am really hoping they didn't travel back into the woods. I look over to the neighbor's house wondering if they have seen them. "Found 'em!"
There they were, roosting in a dogwood on the property line. I swear I heard them let out a sigh of exasperation saying "Why won't she just leave us alone?".

Eric held the net in front of the birds while I grabbed one from the back using the hand hug method. Then, Eric set the net down and got the other one. We carried them to the coop and I leaned some more stuff against openings and doorways. Tomorrow that joint is going to look like Fort Knox.

Sleep well ladies. And don't forget to say your prayers.

A Sad Day at the Myers Mini Farm

There could be a lot of background here, but the bottom line is the alpha chicken now has the coop to herself. Yesterday evening I said goodnight to 3 hens. Sadly, I only said good morning to one today.  And then I cried.